Welcome to the first in an occasional series where I spout off about various issues connected with m/m romance and short stories. Today I’m going to talk about cross dressing heroes, my thoughts about them and also to ask some questions of you, the reader.
The sort of hero I am talking about in this post isn’t a transgender m-f, nor a drag queen (although they do both wear women’s clothes) but rather a man who, for whatever reason, likes to wear women’s clothes whilst still retaining his masculine body underneath the stockings and lacy underwear. I first came across a story with a cross dressing hero in the anthology Bravo! Brava! which is published by MLR Press. I was curious to get into the mind of a man who likes to wear women’s clothing and whilst all the stories in that anthology were well written and engaging, there was only one, Women’s Weeds by Kimberly Gardner, which attempted to address the psychology of the cross dressing hero, Keiran.
Since then, I’ve read a few more stories and many of them have failed to really address the reasons why the hero cross dresses. Mostly the reader is fobbed off with platitudes such as ‘the hero just likes doing it’ or ‘it makes him feel sexy’ or ‘it’s just how he is’. In many of these cases cross dressing is just pulled down to the lowest common denominator of it being ‘a kink’ and I find that a little disturbing when for many cross dressing men it isn’t a kink, but a necessity and part of their personality.
That’s not to say that all the stories I’ve read have been like that. Matchmen, Ltd by TC Blue has the character of Melody and the depiction of her/him was handled extremely well and whilst the fact that Melody is a cross dresser isn’t overplayed, I did get a good sense of why it is a part of her/his character. There may be others that you know of too which, sensibly and sensitively, address this type of hero. In which case feel free to share in the comments.
There are also a few stories which look at cross dressing from the view of the other, non-cross dressing, hero. My favourite of these is All That Jazz by Charlie Cochrane which can be found in the Encore! Encore! anthology and actually deals with the feelings of both the flamboyant Francis and Tommy who falls in love with Francis despite not ever being attracted to that type of man before. Also Ruby Slippers by Alexi Silversmith does a good job of showing how difficult it is for a cross dressing man to find a man willing to accept him for who he is, regardless of what he chooses to wear.
I like stories with cross dressing heroes. I often joke that it’s because I have a bit of a thing for a man in a skirt, but actually it’s more than that. I’m genuinely interested in the emotions and thoughts that go alongside the outer clothing and every time I read a book with a cross dressing hero, that is what I’m hoping to get an insight into. It’s also interesting to note that all the stories I have read with cross dressing heroes have been shorts – certainly no longer than a novella. I would be keen to read a longer m/m romance with a cross dressing hero, and I wonder why there aren’t any – or maybe there are and I’ve just missed them. Fee free to correct me on that one.
So what about you? Do you like cross dressing heroes? According to the poll that Tam put on the sidebar this week many of you either aren’t keen or ambivalent, so why is that? Do you too have the same disappointments that I do, in that many stories just use it as a kink, or even a complication to be ‘got round’ rather than provide any insightful reasons as to why the hero dresses in women’s clothes?
Thanks for reading my rambling and please do chip in because I’d love to know your thoughts on this too.
For me, personally, it all depends on how the character is handled. There is no bigger turn-off than a character who is just there to be mocked, and I think cross-dressing characters FAR too often end up in this position. It’s viewed, as you said, as a kink, or a joke, and is too often made fun of. As for why a hero would cross-dress… I can’t say. Maybe it makes him feel empowered? Strong? Beautiful? Perhaps it fills a hole in himself nothing else does, and when he cross dresses, then all is right in his world. No matter why he does it – or why she does it, for that matter – he should not be pointed at and mocked. Especially not by the author that created him.
That’s a really good point you make there, Alyx. Often if one of the secondary characters is a cross dresser (usually the hero’s friend) they are either shown as ‘the slut’ or ‘the over the top’ character as if wearing women’s clothes makes them like that. It makes me a bit annoyed too when that happens.
Your reasons for why a hero cross dressers are all possibly true, and I wish some authors had take the time to put that in a story rather than making all about the clothes than the personality.
If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that most people don’t think. They don’t analyze. They really don’t care. And it’s a shame because it’s not just their writing that suffers as a result.
If that’s the case then why bother to use a cross dresser as a character? Why not make him just a regular guy? It doesn’t make sense to me.
Me either. Maybe they think it’s “edgy”? Maybe they think they’re going to “shake people up”? I have no idea. A friend of mine is writing a book with a cross-dressing character, and he does it because his life was nothing but garbage and abuse in a small town, and when he does it, it’s like the phoenix bursting into flames to be born anew. It’s an external manifestation of his inner strength. He dresses pretty outrageously as you may guess, but for him, he’s displaying his warning colours. Don’t screw with me, I’ve survived bigger things than you. But for some people they just toss a character in because it’s cool or fun and they don’t bother to really think about what makes him tick.
it’s like the phoenix bursting into flames to be born anew
That’s a great way of creating a cross dressing character. I shall look out for that book when it’s released.
I’ve read many emphatic comments from readers on blog posts where they say they would never read an m/m book with a cross-dressing hero. Maybe that’s what puts writers off? Or they’re testing the waters with shorter stories to see if the readership really is there.
Personally, I’d love to see more cross-dressing men in romance, but as Alyx has said, only if they’re given respect and not treated purely as a kinky slut. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a kinky slut, but there needs to be something beyond this to give a character depth and believability.
Actually, thinking about this makes me long to write a story with a cross-dressing hero. Damn you, rebellious muse!
Hi Josephine
That’s a good reason why there are only shorts for cross dressing characters. I didn’t think about it in that way. Maybe there isn’t a market in a longer book if that is the case. Maybe I’m unusual in wanting to see a longer novel which has space to address the psychology behind a cross dressing hero.
Yay for your muse!
That’s what happened to me, Jo. I never thought I’d write about a cross dresser, then along came Francis and Tommy with a tale that had to be told.
I voted “meh, whatever.” As Tam put in it in a response to a comment I made in the “Hell is in the Details” thread – “I don’t care for X except for A, B and C.” Heh.
I guess I’m of two minds, here. I love m/m romance because they’re men. In the immortal words of Justin Taylor, “I like dick…” So a feminized guy isn’t generally what I’m looking for when I choose which stories to buy.
But then…then there’s Syd McGinley’s “Granite,” and her character (not exactly a cross-dresser, but close) Owen from the Dr. Fell stories, and guys who wear eyeliner! Not exactly cross-dressers though.
I also love “Breakfast on Pluto,” the Cillian Murphy movie about an Irish cross-dressing character.
So, in general, I’d have to say no – not my kink, but I’m so glad that “our” genre provides such a diversity of available books and that there is so much room for individual tastes. But I can be quite persuaded by a good or interesting review.
Hi Sirius
There are a lot of characters in m/m books which push at the boundaries between masculine/feminine. Some of that, I think is due to a trend which certainly is taking place in Britain for the more androgynous look amongst young people – not sure whether this is happening in NA too. They play with gender norms and with traditional views of sexuality. It’s not unusual to see young men wearing ‘guyliner’ or for women and men dressing and looking the same.
This is different, I think, from a cross dresser who chooses to look feminine. I can see your point about being attracted to men – and this is one notion which has been raised in some of the books I have mentioned, where one of the heroes struggles with an attraction to a cross dresser because they have only ever been attracted previously to ‘manly’ men, as it were.
I’ve not seen Breakfast in Pluto but Cillian Murphy has just the right body and looks to pull off that sort of role.
I’ve read a few stories with cross dressing heroes and in general I have to say it’s not really my thing. I think for me, it’s because I don’t “get it”. Not the desire to dress in women’s clothes (although partly that) but I find the connection between the two men difficult to fathom.
I know I am attracted to men. I like men, I like men’s bodies and part of being in love with someone is physical attraction. If I saw a gorgeous woman, I would not be physically attracted to her. If I found women hot I’d be a lesbian and therefore would not be interested in the dick under the skirt. Perhaps I find it a bit schizophrenic, you are attracted outwardly to women but want a man’s body and the parts that come with it? Ack! Confusing and perhaps that’s another reason it’s not written often, it is hard to portray in a sensitive manner.
I have read a few stories where it’s almost a way to draw attention to themselves. Wheee, look at me, I’m different, don’t I stand out? And that’s just annoying because it seems like an artifice to make you the center of attention. But my ambivalence toward the genre I think comes from my own inability to understand being gay and finding the outward appearance of the opposite sex attractive at the same time.
Hi Tam
my ambivalence toward the genre I think comes from my own inability to understand being gay and finding the outward appearance of the opposite sex attractive at the same time.
Yes, I can see why that might be. On the other hand, it would be like a lesbian who is attracted to a woman who dresses and looks like a man on the outside (except maybe for lack of facial hair). No-one seems to bat an eyelid about a feminine lesbian who falls for the butch lady and yet, isn’t this the same but for a gay man? Perhaps it’s because women of all sexual persuasions often dress like men, in that they wear trousers/jeans and shirts and yet, despite Beckham and his sarong, or the kilt, men do not wear skirts.
I think that’s exactly it. Was I dressed as a man yesterday? I had on jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt and hiking boots. If a man wore that he would not be considered dressed as a woman. It’s a bit of a double standard, I rarely if ever wear skirts but no one would accuse me of being a cross-dresser.
Sometimes in the case of cross dressers with the silk and lace and skirts and make-up I think they are more of a woman than I am. It’s almost the hyper-feminization because looking around my work place or just on the streets you don’t see many women who are all dolled up wearing silk hose, 4 inch heels and looking like they stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine.
I work with a MtF and she wears pants and blouses and normal shoes. I sometimes feel like she is a woman (deep inside) she doesn’t have to wear the over the top trappings of womanhood to feel it. Maybe that’s just my interpretation, maybe she does outside of work.
I was thinking about that point yesterday as I was writing this post. At the time I had on a pair of jeans and a knitted jumper and I remember thinking that the only thing that was different from the way I was dressed to that of a man was that I was wearing a bra – and believe me if I could get away without one I would
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You are right that a cross dressing man, or at least those in m/m romance stories, wear clothes that I wouldn’t wear because they are uncomfortable or impractical for me as a woman – lacy underwear is itchy & 3 inch heels may be nice to look at but kill your feet and I could never get the hang of walking in them. Maybe it is about making a statement, thumbing a nose at convention and saying I dare to dress like this. Or maybe that’s just my interpretation, looking on as a woman.
Interesting post, Jen! I read Ruby Slippers within the last few weeks and definitely enjoyed it because it wasn’t the superficial treatment usually given to crossdressing.
There are lots of things I read about (specific kinks, lifestyles, etc) that I don’t necessarily understand/can’t necessarily relate to, but if the author can illuminate it for me… that’s a very good thing indeed. (And sadly all too rare.)
Hi Chris
Yes, that’s what I’m looking for in these stories – some illumination and an insight into what makes these characters tick.
“Taking You Home” by Cooper Davis (the sequel to “Boys of Summer”) has Hunter and Max dealing with this very issue at one point in the story. I thought it was well done both from how Hunter, a former straight guy, dealt with it as well as what Max went through trying to reveal his desire to dress up and what it had previously cost him in his past.
Hi Missy
I’ve not read either of those stories. Thanks for the rec and I’ll make sure I check them out.
I was actually just going to suggest that story as well. It actually is a really interesting point of view, since we’re looking from the viewpoint of Hunter, the non-cross-dresser, who is pretty much bisexual. He has a lot of trouble identifying his own sexuality, and coming to terms with it, and Max’s cross-dressing plays into that, because he has to come to terms with whether it’s Max he loves, or Maxine (his female counterpart), or both of them. I found it extremely interesting to see both of them go through the struggle…Hunter with his sexuality, and Max with his cross-dressing desire and uncomfortable with how Hunter feels about it.
As for me, I find cross-dressing in stories to be one of those topics that I don’t mind. I don’t search out stories with it…it’s not my kink in RL, as many have mentioned, but I do understand it to some degree. What interests me in stories about it is the study of character, and how they react to cross-dressers as well as how the cross-dresser deals with it. I guess my problem with it in stories is not the cross-dressing, but how it’s handled…like some say, it’s often just window dressing, and not really explored as a story element, and as such it’s not treated with any sort of respect. Much like Jack in “Will and Grace” is in respect to gay people, it turns into a stereotype of cross-dressers, and I hate that…it seems judgmental and too simplistic, for any group.
Hi Brett
I shall definitely read that book now because it sounds like the cross dressing theme has been handled in some depth and sensitivity.
it turns into a stereotype of cross-dressers, and I hate that…it seems judgmental and too simplistic, for any group.
Yes, exactly! This is how I often feel after reading books with cross dressing characters, especially secondary characters who only seem to be there to add ‘flavour’.
That’s it! I knew I’d read another story recently that did a good job on crossdressing, but I couldn’t remember what it was.
Hi, Jen! Interesting topic. Interesting also that you say the teen trend in Britain is headed towards androgyny. I remember this happening there in and in the US back in the 1980s, so I guess these things always cycle back.
In the poll, I was one who voted “Sometimes.” It’s not a theme I go looking for, and I think I feel completely neutral about it. If the writing is good and the plot interests me, I’ll read about it.
The only cross-dressing m/m I think I’ve read is Firecracker by Jaye Valentine. In that one, I think the character got a charge out of the riskiness of trying to pass as a woman, and he also enjoyed highlighting his good looks in an androgynous direction in that he made a stunning looking woman and not many men could pull that off. (But I think Cillian Murphy could.) It was a fascinating story.
Hi Val
I’ve not read Firecracker but on the whole I like Jaye Valentine’s books so I shall check that one out too. Thanks for the rec, it sounds most interesting.
I don’t think I’ve read about a cross-dressing man as you’ve described. My interests actually lean towards transsexuals and drag queens (and kings, though this is an m/m blog). I find the combination of masculinity and femininity incredibly erotic, but I think it’s always been a visual, physical thing. So, I hadn’t thought about looking for books with that specific type of character. I’m duly writing down titles suggested here, thanks to everyone who left them! =)
BTW, where I’m from, for daily wear…it’s generally the men who wear the sarongs. It’s an “at home” kinda wear, like lounging in your pjs.
Hi Lil
I’m less interested in reading about transexuals because the mind-set of that for me is so far removed from my own. It’s difficult for me to get into the thinking of a character like that. The review I did of the Syd McGinley book last week is a case in point.
a man who, for whatever reason, likes to wear women’s clothes whilst still retaining his masculine body underneath the stockings and lacy underwear.
Anah Crow and I are interested in the same sort of hero — a man who still wants to be a man and is comfortable in his masculinity, but occasionally likes to wear women’s clothing.
I had a hard time finding what I was looking for, because so many cross-dressing heroes are very feminine or androgynous to start with — which is lovely, but wasn’t quite what I was after.
It doesn’t play a large role in the story, but when Anah and I wrote Slow Bloom that was one aspect of the relationship we knew we wanted to include, and we addressed the reasons why both from the cross-dressing hero’s perspective (in a conversation with a rather surprised friend) and from his lover’s perspective.
The reasons why someone needs or wants something are a big part of what makes it appealing to me as a reader — and as a writer.
I’m definitely taking notes from your post and the comments, and adding to my To Read list. I’m looking forward to seeing how other people present characters like this.
Hi Dianne
I have Slow Bloom in my TBR pile. It’s been there a while, unfortunately. Thinking back, I probably bought it because of the cross dressing theme, so I ought to dig it out and read. I shall look forward to that now
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Given that it’s not a short book, I can completely understand why it would sit in your TBR pile for a while.
I’d love to hear what you think of some of these other cross-dressing themed stories, once you have a chance to read them. I’ve put them all on my list — maybe your thoughts will help me shorten it a bit, because it’s looking pretty daunting at the moment!
I’ve added Take You Home to the TBR pile. It’ll be too long to review for this site so I’ll stick a review on my Well Read blog when I’m done reading it. Same with Firecracker.
The ones I’ve mentioned in the blog post have all been reviewed by me, either at Well Read and/or Reviews by Jessewave.
Hopefully this will help you shorten the list, Dianne
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I’ll keep an eye out for your reviews of Take You Home and Firecracker, and I’ve made a note to look for your reviews of the other books so I can pick out which ones I really want to read.
Thanks!
Hopefully I won’t get stoned for saying that I have a fondness for stories based on the ‘cross dressing for kink’ theme.
Having said that, like others, I also enjoy those books which focus on characterisation in order to explore some of the whys behind cross dressing or being a transvestite in meaningful ways.
A book I enjoyed very much that had a strong subplot associated with this theme was M Jules Aedin’s Windows In Time. I found this storyline and the dynamic between the characters in question fascinating.
Hi Kris
I can’t believe I forgot about Windows in Time. That’s a great book and Oliver is a very sympathetic character – even if that side of the book is all from Buck’s POV. You are right the dynamic between them is handled well in that book. So sad tho *sniff*.
A book which I love and which does have a cross-dressing hero is “Acting Up” by Libby Purves. Several caveats: a minor one: it’s only available as print book, and no longer available directly available from Amazon, but now only available from re-sellers. Also: the hero (and he is a real hero IMO) only cross dresses professionally (he’s a singer), though it causes considerable friction within his family. Even though he’s not (as he calls it) a “recreationaly tranny”. Also (and this may be the killer for may would-be readers) there is no on-page-sex whatsoever. But I think it’s a really fabulous book, anyway.
Hi Liade
I’ve not read Acting Up. Only a print book, huh? Hmm, I rarely buy those these days due to total lack of shelf space. I’ll keep it in mind though. I don’t mind the lack of on-page sex – in fact sometimes I get sex overload and want to read a book with no sex, lol!
Thanks for the kind words, Jenre. Interesting article and interesting comments.
No problem Charlie. The comments have been very interesting and it’s been nice to have a discussion on this topic.
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